


Love is...

by justawritter



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29148630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justawritter/pseuds/justawritter
Summary: To Sugawara, love was a lot of things.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Reader, Sugawara Koushi/Reader
Kudos: 17





	Love is...

**Author's Note:**

> * I woke up and chose violence :) As I was cleaning out my google docs, I came across this piece. a poem I wrote while I was trying to get over my first love. I haven’t touched that poem in almost four years.
> 
> * The poem lines are in bold! (wow who hurt me that much that I wrote this poem?)
> 
> * More notes at the end

_“What is love?”_

**Love was an opportunity, not a privilege. Love was giving someone the power to hurt you, but trusting them not to.**

_In middle school, rumors spread like wildfire. So when a little birdie told Sugawara that his friend had a crush on him, he was over the moon._

_One day, after school, Sugawara saw (Y/N) and ran up to her._

_“(L/N)-san! Wait up!” He called out._

_(Y/N) stopped and turned around to see her friend. “Ah, Sugawara-kun!”_

_When he caught up to her, he hunched over and took a couple of breaths before standing upright. “So… I heard that you like me. Is that true?”_

_(Y/N) blushed. “I- Uh… W-What makes you say that? Who told you that? Why can’t a guy and a girl be friends and not be in a romantic relationship?” She said quickly before running off._

_Sugawara stared at the spot where she once occupied before sighing heavily. ‘I guess they were just that- rumors.’_

_The next day, as the bell rang for club activities, (Y/N) suddenly grabbed his wrist. “Sugawara-kun.”_

_Sugwara looked back at her, confused. “Yes, (L/N)-san?”_

_“About yesterday… I lied! I do like you. I was just afraid that you’d reject me. So yeah- bye! I gotta go!” She confessed before slinging her bag over her shoulder and running towards the door._

_Before she could leave, Sugawara could hear the conversation between her and her friend._

_“Hey Mari, guess what?!” (Y/N) cheered._

_“What did you do this time? I hope it isn’t something stupid.”_

_“No! I finally confessed to him!”_

_Mari rolled her eyes. “About time, chicken shit.”_

_._

_._

_._

_It was a winter night where they confessed their feelings and became something more than friends._

**Love was walking together in the rain during the spring.**

_“Oh, so you decide to rain the ONE day I don’t bring my umbrella.” (Y/N) cursed as the rain poured down just as she was about to walk home._

_Sugawara stood beside her and opened his umbrella. “(Y/N)-chan! I’ll walk you home.”_

_She looked to her side seeing her boyfriend flashing her a smile. “Ah- Koushi-kun! I can just run in the rain.” She replied, clutching her school bag against her chest._

_“Then you’ll get sick and that’d be horrible.” He held her hand, interlocking their fingers. “Come on, (Y/N)-chan. Besides, if you’re absent, then that means you’ll leave me all alone tomorrow.” Sugawara pouted._

_(Y/N) returned the pout. “Koushiiiii,” She whined._

_He exhaled, playfully rolling his eyes, “Come on, sugar. Let’s get you home.” He then started walking, sharing his umbrella with her._

_“You didn’t have to do this, Koushi-kun…” She said, now putting her satchel back on her shoulder with her free hand. Guilt and anxiety rushed over her. The thoughts of being a burden over such a trivial thing filled her head._

_Sugawara felt her hand start to shake. Was it the cold or something else? No matter- he knew what to do. He squeezed lightly before bringing her hand to his lips. Placing a gentle kiss to the back of her hand, he saw the corners of her lip twitch up into a smile. Mission accomplished.  
  
“What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t walk my girlfriend home?” He chuckled, turning to continue their walk through the park._

_Arriving at the park, it started to drizzle a bit harder. (Y/N) pulled him under a tree._

_They looked at each other. Sugawara smiled as he noticed the small droplets that managed to get onto her hair. (Y/N) pouted when she saw the large patches of water soaking his uniform shirt._

_The aura was magnetizing. The atmosphere was just right. The rain, the couple under a shared umbrella, and the tension. Sugawara glanced at her lips before looking at her eyes. “Can I-”_

_“You don’t have to ask.” She muttered as she pulled the collar of his uniform, placing a kiss on his lips. Sugawara stood in shock, almost letting go of the umbrella. Coming back to his senses, he kissed back._

**Love was the laughs carried by warm breezes in the summer.**

_The summer break during (Y/N)’s third year of middle school had unfortunately been rather uneventful, but that day she was going to the beach with her boyfriend. So at least she had something to look forward to._

_After a while of swimming, she and Sugawara went up to the snack bar where he practically purchased a whole bunch of snacks, which only made her laugh._

_"Leave room for lunch, Koushi-kun!” She teased as he quickly went through a bag of chips._

_He swallowed what was in his mouth and handed an ice cream bar to her. “Just shut up and eat this before it melts.” He teased back._

**Love was the hot chocolate in the winter.**

_Christmas with the Sugawara’s was (Y/N)’s favourite part of the winter holidays._

_“Koushi-kun! Can we make hot chocolate?” She asked while following Sugawara into the kitchen._

_Sugawara checked his watch. “Yeah, we have time.”_

_“What do you mean ‘We have time’? It only takes a couple of minutes with heating the water and putting in the hot chocolate mix, right?”_

_He chuckled. “Yes, but I make hot chocolate a bit differently. Would you like me to show you?“_

_(Y/N) nodded excitedly. "Making my favourite holiday drink with my favourite person? Of course!”_

_Sugawara opened a cabinet and pulled out various brands of chocolate. “I have milk, dark and white chocolate. Since this is your first time making it, I’ll let you choose.”_

_Her eyes lit up as she surveyed the various chocolate. “Hmm, this one!” She exclaimed, selecting a milk chocolate bar wrapped in silver foil._

_Smiling, he took it out of her hands and set the others back in the cabinet. He then set the chocolate bar on a chopping board. “First, you need to chop up the chocolate very fine. The smaller it is, the faster it will melt! While I do that, you can start with the milk base.”_

_(Y/N) hummed, making her way to the fridge. Opening it, she scanned for the milk. “Koushi… I only see whole milk. I’m-”_

_“Lactose intolerant? Open the drawer.” Sugawara instructed as he washed his hands._

_Curious, she opened the side drawer and saw a carton of soy milk. “Did you… buy this? For me?” (Y/N) asked, completely baffled. She only told him about her lactose intolerance once- and that was when they started dating._

_“Duh.” He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
_

_(Y/N) grabbed the milk and placed a pot on the stove. “How much do I put?”_

_“2 cups. So there’s enough milk for both of us!” He replied, looking for the knife._

_After she measured out the milk and pouring it over the heat, (Y/N) saw Sugawara chopping up the chocolate. He stared down intently, his silver hair falling as he concentrated on his work.  
_

_She smiled softly, admiring the skilled way he chopped the fine pieces of chocolate._ _(Y/N)’s daydreaming was interrupted as Sugawara suddenly looked at her, then quickly at the stove. “(Y/N)-chan, you have to keep stirring the milk, or it will scorch.”_

_“Oh!” She jumped up and began promptly mixing the milk. Sorry…“_

_Sugawara set down the knife and walked over to her with the chocolate. "No need to apologise, sugar. Now, while the milk is warming up, you want to add your chocolate.”_

_“Oh, I see!” (Y/N) said as she watched him scrape the chocolate into the pan._

_“And just a little salt…” He trailed off, adding a dash of salt to the mixture. “Now we keep mixing!”_

_Slowly, the mixture started to turn a deep brown. The little flakes disappeared as they melted into the milk- the aroma filling the kitchen._

_(Y/N) leaned closer to the pot, her eyes fluttering shut, taking in the scent. “Koushi, this smells amazing!”_

_After a little more mixing, the hot chocolate was done. “There we go! Hot chocolate- made with extra love,” Sugawara said, turning off the stove._

_(Y/N) smiled. “I’ll go get the mugs now!” She said before walking over to the cupboard, grabbing two mugs. She walked back to him. Her eyes lit up like stars as he poured the liquid heaven into them._

_“Can we drink now?” She asked, excited to taste their creation._

_He laughed, “Mhm!”_

**Love was also forgiving each other. Forgiving each other for the words you never meant to say but said anyway due to anger.**

_“I’m just concerned about why you visit Semi-kun so much.” Sugawara snapped._

_“He’s been my best friend since we were kids, I apologize for wanting to be around him sometimes! And he’s helping me study for the Shiratorizawa entrance exam.” She argued._

_“I’m aware of that, but have you seen the way he looks at you? He’s giving you heart eyes! Look, what I’m trying to say here is that I don’t trust him alone with you!”_

_“Trust me, Eita doesn’t feel that way about me.”_

_“Anyway, why do you want to go to Shiratorizawa? Just go to Karasuno with me-”_

_(Y/N) sighed. “Shiratorizawa Academy has one of the best music programs in the prefecture. It’s something I want to pursue!”_

_“But (Y/N), is music a good career choice?-”_

_“Oh, and volleyball is?” She snapped back._

_His silence was deafening. (Y/N) knew she went too far-_

_“K-Koushi, I-“_

_He sighed. “(Y/N)-chan, we’re both stressed right now. You have your entrance exams and auditions and I have my entrance exams and final games of the season. I’m sorry.”_

_“Koushi, you did nothing wrong. If anything, I should be the one apologising.”_

**Love was… letting her go when the time is right.**

_He didn’t know when it happened, but he knew why it happened. Every kiss, every hug, every moment was a blur._

_Whenever she kissed him, he didn’t feel a spark._

_Whenever she hugged him, his arms wrapped around her waist- but not as tightly as he used to._

_Whenever they went on dates, his mind drifted elsewhere._

_Maybe he was over the “honeymoon” phase- whatever that was. They’d been together since their second year in middle school and now it was their first year in high school. And though he didn’t want to, he knew what he needed to do. Some part of him still loved her, but she didn’t deserve that._

_(Y/N) deserved someone that would love her with all their heart- not just a small piece of it. So he forced down his feelings to make sure it wouldn’t get in the way of the inevitable._

_‘Two years of love, care, and hard work…’ He thought._

_Sugawara looked at his girlfriend from afar as she was talking with her friends. Daichi stood behind him, placing his hand on Sugawara’s shoulder._

_“I know it’s not my business, but… is everything okay between you and her?”  
_

_He turned around, putting on a brave face. He thought about lying to his friend, but he knew Daichi could read his emotions like an open book. Was he always that obvious?_

_“I… We… No… We’re not fine.” Sugawara admitted.  
_

_Daichi nodded. He glanced past Sugawara to see (Y/N) laughing before she turned to see them. (Y/N) gave a small wave before looking back at her friends. He then looked back at Sugawara. “What happened…?”_

_“I stopped loving her.”_

**Engulfing yourself in love when the other doesn’t reciprocate is poisonous and should be discarded immediately.**

_(Y/N) looked at Sugawara with a saddened look on her face. “Koushi… I-”_

_“Don’t say anything, (Y/N),” Sugawara said coldly, his face turned away from her. Although, inside, he was hurting._

_(Y/N) felt her eyes water, “Please don’t leave…” She begged._

_Sugawara shook his head, “(Y/N), we need to move on. You want someone who is there for you and I can’t give that to you. I can’t keep seeing you at school and feeling guilty that I couldn’t spend time with you the night before because of practice!”_

_She fiddled with her coat sleeves, “You know I can’t just… move on!” She paused, trying to think of a solution. “I’ll just try harder. I can make things work! I’ll join the team as your manager! Yeah, then I can see you all the time!” She confessed, her voice cracking slightly at the end._

_“Don’t- I already told you why we can’t continue…”_

_(Y/N) felt her heart ache as tears started to flow, “Koushi… I love you.”_

_Sugawara heard this and faced her. Sighing, he embraced her softly. He then lifted her chin with his thumb and pointer, glancing over her facial features._

_Her eyes; the ones that used to shine so bright, now covered in tears. Her lips; the ones that gave him smiles to brighten his day a little more, now frowning because of his decision. Her voice; the one that spread happiness and laughter, now cracking because of her pain and despair._

_“We’re going to share one last kiss,” Sugawara whispered as if it was a promise only to be heard by them._

_She closed her eyes, letting the tears cascade down her face. He closed his eyes and gave her a brief peck on the lips. (Y/N) shut her eyes tighter as she felt him slowly pull away- her last kiss tasting like tears._

_Sugawara adjusted his coat and turned to the opposite direction of where she was._

_“I love you… Sugawara-kun.” She opened her eyes as she heard the sound of his footsteps._

_‘I love you too, (L/N)-san… But doing this was for the best- not just for me… But for you too.’ He thought as he continued to walk away- every step feeling like a stab to his heart._

_“Thanks to you… I hate the winter.” (Y/N) muttered._

_._

_._

_._

_It was a winter night where they parted ways and became strangers who knew each other’s secrets._

**Love was being happy for her and finding joy in the fact that she was okay and well.**

After the match, the Karasuno team had vacated the court and decided to settle near the restrooms.

“Hey! That was a great game!” A voice called out.

A pair of gasps came from Sugawara’s teammates. “Suga, don’t look-”

It was too late. Sugawara turned around to see (Y/N) running in their direction. He felt his heart skip a beat. 

“(Y/N)!-”

That was when she ran past the Karasuno team. Sugawara froze, his eyes widened in shock; Daichi and Asahi sharing the same reaction.

She wasn’t there to watch them. She wasn’t there for _him_.

(Y/N) could sense the tension, and tried her best to ignore it. She had no intention of staying after the match, but despite the mask her boyfriend put up, she knew he was upset about the loss. 

“Hey, cutie! Did you come all this way to watch the game?” Oikawa asked, genuinely happy she was there.

(Y/N) finally caught up to her boyfriend. “Of course I did! I wouldn’t… miss it… for the world.” She said in between breaths.

He chuckled, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. “But we lost. And this was our last chance to go up against Shiratorizawa- us third years at least.”

“Yeah, but did your team play their hardest?” 

“Yes, but-”

“Did you play your hardest?” She repeated.

“Well, yes, but!-” He exclaimed.

“Tooru, did you and your team play your hardest?” (Y/N) asked sternly.

Oikawa sighed in defeat. “Yes, (Y/N)-chan, we played our hardest.”

“Then that’s all that matters.” She brought up her hand to cup his cheek. “You and your team worked so hard since the Inter-High Prelims. I’m so proud of you.” (Y/N) cooed. 

It wasn’t an attempt to try and cheer him up. She knew his worth and his skill and sometimes, she needed to remind him of that. 

Oikawa stared at her in awe. She always knew what to say. He leaned in close, resting his forehead against hers. “Thank you…”

(Y/N) closed her eyes to bask in the sweet moment, but only for a second. She exhaled, pulling away. “Now, if I heard Iwa-kun correctly… You owe them ramen~” 

“Oh, crap… You heard that?” He chuckled nervously.

“Unfortunately, I did. Then again, your teammates weren’t so… quiet about their requests.” She giggled, continuing to tease him.

“There you are, Oikawa! Iwaizumi sent me to look for you. Oh! Hey, (L/N)-san!” 

“Matsukawa-kun!”

“Oikawa is treating us to ramen, wanna join us?” Matsukawa asked- though he didn’t need to hear her answer to know.

“Of course! I’ll meet you guys there! Don’t be late~!” 

“I’m always on time for you, (Y/N)-chan!” Oikawa said, flashing one of his famous smiles. 

(Y/N) and Matsukawa shared a look before laughing. “That’s gold, Oikawa.”

“Yeah! I think you should do stand-up comedy as a side gig!” (Y/N) exclaimed, holding onto her stomach.

After Oikawa and Matsukawa said their goodbyes, (Y/N) was left alone, with the Karasuno team just a couple meters behind. She could feel the stares of the third years on her back. A shiver ran down her spine. _‘Congratulate them, at least, chicken shit.’_ She thought.

(Y/N) let out a shaky breath, turning around to face the victors. “Congratulations on making it to the finals! Take us to nationals, okay?” She turned her gaze to the third years, specifically Sugawara. 

Despite not talking to him directly, she did hear things about the team through the whispers between Daichi, Asahi, and Kiyoko. About how the new first years were truly something else. About how they got Coach Ukai’s grandson to start coaching them. Especially, about how Sugawara quickly went from being the team’s official setter to not even being in the starting line-up. 

She wanted nothing more than to comfort him. To tell him that, in her eyes, he was their best setter. But she was in no place to do that- or at least that’s what it felt like.

Little did she know that Sugawara would always have a small part of him that loves her, no matter who else came into his life after. No matter how much time had passed or how far they were apart, if she came knocking, he’d always answer the door to his heart and let her in. Though she didn’t need to know that-

“I’m proud of you. Fly high for me, okay?” (Y/N) said before running off. 

Sugawara stared at the spot she once occupied seconds ago, with tears at bay. “I will, I promise.”

**Love is full of surprises, but if you ever get the chance to experience it, cherish it while you can.**

**Author's Note:**

> * I apologise for the angst that I've written so far 
> 
> * Also, fun fact! The confession and break up were actually what happened to me- I’m embarrassing.


End file.
